Many people assume confidence has to come first.

You feel confident, then you apply for the job. You feel ready, then you have the difficult conversation. You stop feeling anxious, then you try something unfamiliar.

But confidence often develops in the opposite direction.

Sometimes we become more confident because we take action, discover that we can handle something, and gradually build trust in our own ability.

Psychologist Albert Bandura described this idea through the concept of self-efficacy—our belief in our ability to manage a particular situation or accomplish a particular task. His research helped show that our experiences can shape what we believe we are capable of doing.

That means you may not have to wait until you feel completely confident before you begin.

What Is Self-Efficacy?

Self-efficacy is different from simply feeling good about yourself.

It refers more specifically to your belief that you can successfully handle a particular challenge or situation.

Someone might feel confident professionally but uncertain in social situations. Another person may be comfortable taking care of other people but doubt their ability to advocate for themselves.

Bandura proposed that these beliefs can influence whether we attempt something, how much effort we put into it, and how persistent we are when things become difficult. His work identified several sources of self-efficacy, including our own successful experiences, observing other people, encouragement from others, and how we interpret our emotional and physical reactions. 

One of the most important of these is what Bandura called mastery experiences.

In simple terms: doing something successfully can help teach us that we are capable of doing it.

Why Waiting to Feel Confident Can Keep You Stuck

It is understandable to want to feel ready before doing something uncomfortable.

The problem is that waiting for confidence can sometimes become part of what keeps us from developing it.

Imagine someone who is anxious about speaking during meetings at work. They tell themselves:

“Once I feel more confident, I’ll start contributing.”

So they stay quiet.

Staying quiet may reduce anxiety temporarily, but it also prevents them from discovering what might happen if they speak.

They never get the experience of making a comment, tolerating the discomfort, seeing that nothing catastrophic happened, and realizing, I actually handled that.

The same pattern can occur with dating, social situations, exercise, job interviews, setting boundaries, driving, public speaking, or trying something new.

Confidence may remain low partly because there haven’t been enough experiences to challenge the belief that the situation cannot be handled.

How Action Can Build Confidence

In a 1977 study, Bandura and colleagues examined adults with significant phobic fears. Participants received interventions involving either direct mastery experiences, observing someone else manage the feared situation, or no treatment.

The mastery-based approach produced stronger and more generalized beliefs in personal efficacy than observation alone. Participants’ perceptions of what they believed they could handle also closely predicted their subsequent behavior. 

This doesn’t mean that everyone should simply confront their biggest fear.

The more useful lesson is that experience provides information.

Every time you successfully manage something that previously felt difficult, you have another piece of evidence about what you are capable of doing.

Instead of:

“I need to believe I can do this before I try.”

The process can sometimes become:

“I tried it. I handled it. Maybe I can handle a little more.”

Confidence develops from experience.

Start Small Enough to Succeed

Building self-efficacy doesn’t require making the biggest possible change.

In fact, starting with a manageable challenge can provide an opportunity for success without making the experience unnecessarily overwhelming.

Someone with social anxiety doesn’t necessarily need to walk into a crowded room and introduce themselves to twenty strangers.

The first step might simply be starting a brief conversation with one person.

Someone who has been avoiding exercise doesn’t have to begin with an intense workout program.

They might start with a ten-minute walk.

Someone who struggles to set boundaries doesn’t have to change every difficult relationship at once.

They might begin by saying no to one small request they would normally accept automatically.

The goal isn’t to prove that something is easy.

It is to begin developing evidence that you can handle difficult things even when you don’t initially feel confident.

Confidence and Anxiety Can Exist at the Same Time

Another misconception is that becoming confident means eliminating anxiety.

It doesn’t.

You can feel anxious and still speak during the meeting.

You can doubt yourself and still apply for the position.

You can feel uncomfortable and still set a boundary.

You can be uncertain about how something will turn out and still take the next step.

Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help people examine predictions and beliefs that contribute to avoidance, while Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help people learn to take meaningful action even when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are present.

Over time, those experiences can change what a person believes they are capable of handling.

When Avoidance Makes Confidence Smaller

Avoidance isn’t always obvious.

Sometimes it looks like procrastinating.

Sometimes it means endlessly preparing.

Sometimes it’s waiting until you feel completely certain.

And sometimes it means repeatedly telling yourself, “I’m just not ready yet.”

Avoidance can provide immediate relief from anxiety. But when it becomes a pattern, it can also reduce opportunities to learn that a situation is manageable.

That is one reason anxiety and avoidance can reinforce each other.

Taking manageable steps toward something that matters can begin interrupting that cycle.

You Don’t Need to Become Fearless

The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, uncertainty, or self-doubt.

It is to become increasingly confident in your ability to respond to them.

That distinction matters.

Confidence isn’t necessarily:

“I know this will go well.”

Sometimes healthier confidence sounds more like:

“I don’t know exactly what will happen, but I believe I can handle what comes next.”

That is much closer to self-efficacy.

How Therapy Can Help Build Self-Efficacy

Therapy can provide a structured place to understand what has been keeping someone stuck and identify manageable ways of moving forward.

For some people, that involves examining anxious predictions through CBT. For others, ACT can help them make choices based on their values rather than waiting for uncomfortable feelings to disappear. Psychodynamic Therapy may also help someone understand deeper patterns that contribute to self-doubt, avoidance, or difficulty trusting themselves.

The approach will differ from person to person.

But an important part of the process is often discovering through experience that you are capable of more than anxiety or self-doubt has led you to believe.

You Can Start Before You Feel Ready

There are times when preparation is important.

But there are also times when waiting to feel completely ready becomes another way of remaining stuck.

You don’t necessarily need complete confidence to take the first step.

Sometimes the first step is what begins creating confidence.

Start small. Give yourself an opportunity to succeed. Pay attention to what you learn from the experience.

Then take the next step.

Therapy in Glendale, Pasadena & Online Throughout California

At California Therapy Center & Psychological Services, our psychologists and therapists work with adults experiencing anxiety, self-doubt, avoidance, depression, stress, and other concerns that can make it difficult to move forward.

We provide in-person therapy in Glendale and online therapy throughout California, including Pasadena and surrounding communities.

If anxiety or self-doubt has been keeping you from doing things that matter to you, therapy can help you understand the patterns that are getting in the way and begin developing a different relationship with uncertainty, confidence, and action.

Request an appointment to get started.

References & Further Reading

Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. 

Bandura, A., Adams, N. E., & Beyer, J. (1977). Cognitive processes mediating behavioral change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35(3), 125–139. 

American Psychological Association. Self-efficacy: The theory at the heart of human agency. The APA provides a useful overview of Bandura’s theory and the four major sources of self-efficacy. 

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